DECEMBER… we are dreading it! The 18th December is Lenny’s first birthday. Bhai’s due date is in December. We are facing another Christmas without Lenny. We are facing our second Christmas in a row where we are supposed to be bringing a newborn baby home with us and we aren’t. All of this amongst festive cheer – and all we feel is distinctly un-festive doom! Christmas is a hard time for all grieving people but for us this is going…
If I had a pound for every time someone asked if I was back at work since Lenny died I’d never have to work again… the irony. I don’t know whether it is seen as a sign of being ok, a benchmark of sanity that being back working means all is good, no need to worry about the crazy person any more or its just a topic of conversation. Either way no one enjoys work chat! But I haven’t been…
It’s taken me a few weeks to write this because grief is heavy, but here we go. We went to Scotland for a week at the end of August, this was partly to just get away and give us some time to grieve but also to acknowledge our 10 year wedding anniversary. Before Lenny had died we thought that we’d throw a big party, but obviously everything has changed now. Still, to ignore the fact that we have been married…
She’s MINT!!!!!! My words cannot do this incredible mother, wife and absolute warrior justice! But seeing it is out 10 year wedding anniversary I’m going to try, it cant be worse than that poor speech I did at our wedding!. We met at the University of Sheffield, we both had a passion for the outdoors and a good party! We quickly fell in love at the climbing wall and a first date at Casanova, what a romantic! From first meeting…
We did this cycle tour before Bhai Died, hence all the smiles, but its been delayed because. We have been feeling shit! We were feeling Ok, we were living! Oh, how naive we were. Over the previous few weeks we had been battling with lots of stuff, So I said to Mim Lets get away and do a gentle cycle tour, I had booked some nice places to stay, one place even did Gluten Free Pie’s!! (yes pie plural!). We…
Wow, its been a shitter, and not many adventures over the last few weeks. Since Bhai died we have been living in a very surreal world of shock. As this passes the reality is hitting hard. We have felt very alone and have not seen may people. Our lovely friend from Canada has been in the UK for a visit, it would have been lovely to share some good news with her, but instead she kindly listened to our tragic…
WARNING FOUL LANGUAGE! No parents should have to sign two post mortem forms within 7 months, actually no one should ever have to sign that form! We were offered the ‘post mortem booklet and we told the consultant that we already had a copy and knew all about it! .. this is not a booklet that anyone should have to read! What the fuck has happened to our lives in the last 7 months? Mim has summed up the death…
I met Moy for lunch recently. We don’t generally meet in a public place since Lenny died. We go out in nature or drink tea at home and chat. So, I spent a long time trying to find a place which wouldn’t put gluten in everything and, if I’m honest, a place that I hoped wouldn’t be full of prams. Protecting them feels like a natural instinct. We ended up in a cafe suggested by Mim, which I suspected would…
After a varied week I felt I needed to do something for the little guy, so we now have an Instagram account, Not much on yet, but lots of Lenny’s adventures and grief content soon. It’s been an absolute SHITTER of a few days (sorry for the language but I’m not articulate enough to express my emotions more appropriately) The HSIB report is has been on the whole a horrible experience, its made us feel really dark and I’ve tried…
We have slowly been working our way through some more Ethels. Lenny wants to complete the by the end of the year, so we really need to pull our finger out. Amongst this we have had some good times and some really tough, grief is one heck of an emotional rollercoaster. We have also attended our first SANDS support meeting at Chesterfield which was really helpful, all the group were lovely. Thankyou for your support, Nicola at Chesterfield Sands. A…