Baby loss Awareness Week 2024

Baby loss awareness week is 9th-15th October each year. This year our message as a charity is that baby loss awareness is as much about love as it is about loss – we can all relate to loving children, loving children shouldn’t be a taboo and therefore baby loss should not be a taboo. 

Our events 

Baby loss awareness workshops:

We did 3 free of charge baby loss awareness talks – two of these were face to face and one of these was online. The talks focussed on the common experiences of bereaved parents, feelings, how life changes and also offered some hope and tips for support people. These talks were well received and we hope to do more in future. 

Wave of Light walk:

Every year on the 15th October, people light candles at 7pm local time wherever they are in the world to remember babies who have died on the last day of pregnancy and infant loss awareness week – this creates a ‘wave of light’ across the world. 

As a charity we value connection, community and compassion, we also recognise the value for all of us of being outside in nature and doing gentle activity – as such we do an annual Wave of Light walk with headtorches rather than candles. This year we created a banner with over 400 babies’ names on it. 

We came together as bereaved parents, friends and family to honour these little lives and show our love for them as a community – we all had a moment at the Dam wall lighting up our incredible banner. Thank you to everyone who got involved it was incredibly special. 

Radio appearance 

I was asked to do a 2 minute reflection for BBC Radio Sheffield, please listen here and share the details of our charity. Below is the transcript for anyone who would like to read: 

“On 18th December 2021 I gave birth to our firstborn, Lenny just after his due date. He was beautiful with blonde curly hair and looked just like his dad. We felt the elation, joy, awe and immense love that every parent feels when their first child is born. We had a fleeting moment of bliss and then he needed breathing support – he was pronounced dead 27 mins later. 

Full of anguish and devastation we left the hospital, we had to pack away his car seat and all his nursery items, I had a postpartum body with everything that goes with it with no baby. The only special day we got to plan for our son was his funeral. After a healthy pregnancy and straightforward birth this was the last thing we expected. We felt so isolated and alone

13 babies a day – much higher if those earlier in pregnancy or later in infancy – we all know someone

On the surface my story sounds like a tragic story. It is. It is also a love story. I could tell you another version of this same story which purely focusses on the love for my babies. With profound loss, there is also profound love. I can tell you with confidence that parents of children who have died love them in equal measure to how you love your living children – I now have a living child and I know that to be true. 

Every year between 9th-15th October is baby loss awareness week. If you have NOT been directly affected by baby loss then this week is for you. Please don’t turn away because it makes you uncomfortable. We need your support to break the silence and stop the stigma and taboo surrounding this subject. 

The most supportive thing you can do for a bereaved parent is to acknowledge their loss, validate their feelings and love their baby or child with them – just as you would if they were here.  

We all know someone whose baby has died. Lets start a conversation – – my suggestion is you ask them to share their love story.” 

October is Baby loss awareness month and it’s for everyone here why: 

We all know someone who has lost a baby during pregnancy or in infancy. Very sadly, knowing the prevalence I can say that with confidence. It has either happened to you or you will know someone who has suffered the death of a baby. The thing is you might not know that you know someone because it remains a taboo. In fact since founding Lenny’s legacy I have found that people I knew before Lenny died were bereaved parents but I never knew.

This month can feel heavy for bereaved parents. We are constantly aware of baby loss because it’s our life. Baby loss awareness month is actually more for those who are not directly affected by baby loss.

So this is a call to action for those of you who bravely follow us (I say brave because it is brave to face this kind of pain if it hasn’t directly forced its way into your life). Here are some things you could do this month:

1. Please share our charity on your platforms and our support offers to parents;
2. Please consider attending one or more of our free events;
3. Please consider making a donation or raising money for our little charity – a little goes a long way for us and all the money goes directly to support bereaved families;
4. Please reach out to those you know who have lost a baby at- a simple “thinking of you” goes a long way, I promise you are not reminding them their baby died, they think of them as much as anyone thinks of any of their children.

Bereaved Parents – Self care:

Baby loss awareness week and the weeks after can feel particularly difficult for bereaved parents. 

If you’re a bereaved parent feeling the pressure of baby loss awareness week/month feeling like you “should” be doing something please know these things:

• baby loss awareness is every day for us forever for the rest of our lives – really these awareness days, weeks and months are for people on the outside of this, we are already very aware!
• How much you engage is no reflection on how much you love your baby or how good a parent you are. It is merely a reflection of what capacity you have at any given moment;
• Comparing isn’t helpful – other parents may respond differently to you and that’s ok, their life and situation is different -parents of living children parent differently and so do we;
• We can’t all do everything! – I love seeing the beautiful spaces and memorial items you have for your babies, I don’t have any of that, I’m not creative and talented in that way, I don’t love my babies any less but I do different things. Do what is right for you;
• Awareness will still be needed in November and December etc etc;
• Living in honour of your babies can mean doing something creative, active or simply getting through the days;
• Crying on the bathroom floor is absolutely acceptable, normal and understandable. Equally, laughing and feeling joyful doesn’t mean you don’t love and miss your baby.

You have all experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a person, be kind, give yourself grace. You are honouring your children by keeping yourself safe and well. If that means taking a step back from baby loss awareness that’s ok.

Your babies know you love them.

Why do we raise awareness? 

We don’t do it to scare pregnant people or parents.

We do it:

• So that people whose baby/babies die feel less alone;
• So that pregnant people and parents where possible can educate themselves and seek appropriate care where needed which could save babies’ lives;
• To call for more research to save babies’ lives;
• Because it’s outrageous that 13 babies a day die shortly before, during or after birth in England and most are perfectly healthy;
• To educate society to be more aware (if one person reads our posts and asks “tell me about your family” rather than “how many kids do you have” we will have done a good job);

But most importantly because these little lives matter. I’m not overly keen on the term “baby loss” we weren’t so careless as to lose Lenny and Bhai, they died. Softening language sometimes softens the issue and minimises what is a profound and life altering experience.

Our banner has hundreds of names on it, very sadly, next year there will be many more names. We raise awareness for all of those babies and children who should be here and don’t have the voice that we do.

So it isn’t to scare people or make them sad. It’s to save lives. It’s to make people feel seen and it’s to make the world a little kinder and more bareable for people experiencing the worst kind of pain.

Finally – if you are a bereaved parent feeling deflated, frustrated and heartbroken after baby loss awareness week – know that this is common, please take the time you need to look after yourself in any small way. 

For those who are not bereaved parents who took part – your small acts of kindness and compassion make a big impact, lighting candles might seem like a small thing but they are an act of solidarity and can make people feel less alone in what is a very isolating experience. 

Our take home message for BLAW is that baby loss is more about love than it is about loss.